Via Michael J. Coffey .

Via Michael J. Coffey .

The music I can take or leave ... the video, however, is an amazingly powerful piece, and has such an important message.

Originally shared by Ben “The Blenster” Hibben

Today's song has invaded my dreams recently which earned it a spot on my music playlist where I've found I quite enjoy it.

As I've grown and developed over the years, slowly stripping the toxic bullshit taught to me by the society I grew up in, I have steadily became more and more supportive of various groups under attack. FIrst it was gay rights, then feminism, and then into trans rights and more.

I've never fit into the box society assigned me; I've always rankled at the notion that I should be a good little worker bee. I've pushed against these boundaries, taking Home Ec classes in school, embracing art, and learning how to fix and do as much as I can.

As a result I'm hard to describe, though my brother (hal hibben) has described me as someone who has a giant 4x4 diesel truck, multiple chainsaws that I know how to use, and who crochets (though to be fair I haven't done any serious crochet work since high school; I keep meaning to do more though).

I don't think "traditional gender roles" have any real meaning and often end up doing harm to men and women (and other gender identities as well), though many men don't seem to realize that those who advocate for women (and others) are also advocating for them as well. Many of the toxic elements of modern notions of "masculinity" are deeply harmful to us as well.

There is a meme among the trans movement I've seen expressed a few times: frequently folks start as allies and then eventually decide to transition themselves. I can certainly see how this could happen; people who are internally conflicted on this topic are more likely to seek out this marginalized group and support them; they may not realize it but they have a stake in this fight. This is not the case with me, however. I have no issue being a man and have dealt with the bullshit roles by consciously deciding to ignore them for many years; I do not feel like a woman trapped in my body. I'm not going to transition even to attract the lesbian I mentioned before. I am who I am and I am comfortable with that. I will continue to sew, chop down trees, and fix all the things and do as I please, societies expectations be damned.

I love that this song attacks and breaks down gender roles while calling out their bullshit.

I'd like to dedicate this post, along with a sincere apology, to the trans woman I intentionally misgendered in college, before I knew better (at the time the research I had seen showed it was a mental illness -- this has been changed in more recent publications and I've grown up and learned to accept people for who they are -- this is one of several examples where evidence has changed my mind).

Let's step back from the question of identity vs mental illness, however, and look at this in a more simple framework: Are you their therapist? No? Me neither. WHat does it cost us to be polite and use the gender identity they prefer? Nothing, nothing at all. So why not be polite?

To do otherwise is to be a bigot and, now that you've read this, to do so on purpose, knowing that you're being rude intentionally.


  1. The guy with the colors on his face that open/close the video is the musician. And if his IMDB page is correct, he was no more than 15 when he wrote the song. Nonetheless, it is a powerful video. And strangely, I felt that the reach for the doll was more of a transgression than the opening of the book, but that might be the effect of my own background and upbringing.

  2. Wow! 15? That's impressive. I thought the reaching for the doll more obviously transgressive, but the opening of the book much more damning of society.


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